If I have learned in the past few years, it is essentially that I am powerless to fix all that I wish I could fix when it comes to all that my dear children have had to deal with in their adult lives.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I identify with you as the mother of three adult children, and as a liver transplant recipient who had to pay for COBRA insurance. My prayers are with you and your family.
Sally, I’m so glad you commented on my note so I could come here and read your work. You are a beautiful writer and my heart is just sitting with these complicated thoughts. Parenting is not what I expected at all when I held a chubby bundle or even when I was woken up over and over in the night. It is so much more—everything—beautiful, horrible, sad, joyous, sacrificial, giving, exhausting, life-affirming, tender and harsh than I ever imagined.
Melissa, your kind and supportive words mean so much. Thank you. You are so right about how parenting is not at all like what we expected when we first became moms. Even as my children left the nest many decades ago, I had no idea about how much more complex the job would become. It is all the things you mentioned, and so much more. I honestly am challenged everyday to respond to all that continues to be a part of the lives of those I love most. Mostly, I still find the best words I hear after every phone conversation are, “I love you mom.” I wouldn’t want to miss all that love for the world. Hugs to you as you continue doing all you do to make this world better for so many.
Thank you for sharing your story and your hard won wisdom. Indeed parenting our adult children is, as you say, “truly and exercise in accepting our powerlessness.” Never easy!
If I’ve gained any wisdom, I think it has come about in a default sort of way when I realize, “Well, that didn’t work, so maybe I should just learn to listen without feeling I have to solve problems for other adults.” You are so right. It is never easy.
Oh Sally, just wow. I've been following Jewett's Caring Bridge page and know that things are exceedingly challenging right now. I'm glad in these recent days Amy could get a bit of a break to restore because it's important for her to stay well and grounded during such hard times. That garden is a haven.
We can't "fix" things, can we? We can try, but some things are simply out of our control. But we can be present, whether it is on person or phone or however. Sending love and healing wishes your way.
Caring Bridge is such a helpful way of communicating medical updates. It means so much to the ones carrying the burden of caring for an ill one to know there are others out there who care enough to read what is posted. Also, by posting on Caring Bridge, the caregiver is released from the pressure of having to send out daily email or text updates which can be so draining. Know that it means a lot to Amy and to me too to know that others care enough to stay informed. Thank you.
I agree with you so much about the importance of taking those breaks to stay grounded. I also spoke to Amy today about how important it is to keep the boat afloat that launches from their home when the hospital also demands so much of our time and energy. It is such a hard task to balance it all. I agree. Her garden is a haven, and I hope she is able in coming days to find more solace there.
I am stepfather to two wonderful men now and when they were younger, I learned a lot that was positive from my own parents and how to avoid as best I could anything negative. We bonded early around movies, eating out, college football--and Madonna! We watched the debut of "Vogue" on MTV and I surprised them with tix to her Blond Ambition tour and to the Rose Bowl when MSU won the Big Ten (back when it was still just ten). As an author, I was also able to help them their writing assignments, how to get unstuck, and also able to identify 1) This is good writing 2) That's not what your teacher wants 3) Know the difference for the future. Even now, one of them says he thinks about how cool it was chatting with me in my study after the school day was over.
So very true. And he came up for a week while my spouse was in the hospital to help in any way he could and we got to talking about doing a wine country tour together, possibly here in northern Michigan.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I identify with you as the mother of three adult children, and as a liver transplant recipient who had to pay for COBRA insurance. My prayers are with you and your family.
Sally, I’m so glad you commented on my note so I could come here and read your work. You are a beautiful writer and my heart is just sitting with these complicated thoughts. Parenting is not what I expected at all when I held a chubby bundle or even when I was woken up over and over in the night. It is so much more—everything—beautiful, horrible, sad, joyous, sacrificial, giving, exhausting, life-affirming, tender and harsh than I ever imagined.
Melissa, your kind and supportive words mean so much. Thank you. You are so right about how parenting is not at all like what we expected when we first became moms. Even as my children left the nest many decades ago, I had no idea about how much more complex the job would become. It is all the things you mentioned, and so much more. I honestly am challenged everyday to respond to all that continues to be a part of the lives of those I love most. Mostly, I still find the best words I hear after every phone conversation are, “I love you mom.” I wouldn’t want to miss all that love for the world. Hugs to you as you continue doing all you do to make this world better for so many.
Thank you for sharing your story and your hard won wisdom. Indeed parenting our adult children is, as you say, “truly and exercise in accepting our powerlessness.” Never easy!
If I’ve gained any wisdom, I think it has come about in a default sort of way when I realize, “Well, that didn’t work, so maybe I should just learn to listen without feeling I have to solve problems for other adults.” You are so right. It is never easy.
Oh Sally, just wow. I've been following Jewett's Caring Bridge page and know that things are exceedingly challenging right now. I'm glad in these recent days Amy could get a bit of a break to restore because it's important for her to stay well and grounded during such hard times. That garden is a haven.
We can't "fix" things, can we? We can try, but some things are simply out of our control. But we can be present, whether it is on person or phone or however. Sending love and healing wishes your way.
Caring Bridge is such a helpful way of communicating medical updates. It means so much to the ones carrying the burden of caring for an ill one to know there are others out there who care enough to read what is posted. Also, by posting on Caring Bridge, the caregiver is released from the pressure of having to send out daily email or text updates which can be so draining. Know that it means a lot to Amy and to me too to know that others care enough to stay informed. Thank you.
I agree with you so much about the importance of taking those breaks to stay grounded. I also spoke to Amy today about how important it is to keep the boat afloat that launches from their home when the hospital also demands so much of our time and energy. It is such a hard task to balance it all. I agree. Her garden is a haven, and I hope she is able in coming days to find more solace there.
When it comes to parenting, I take something Henry James said out of context when he spoke about art: "We do what we can, we give what we have."
I believe that is so true.
I am stepfather to two wonderful men now and when they were younger, I learned a lot that was positive from my own parents and how to avoid as best I could anything negative. We bonded early around movies, eating out, college football--and Madonna! We watched the debut of "Vogue" on MTV and I surprised them with tix to her Blond Ambition tour and to the Rose Bowl when MSU won the Big Ten (back when it was still just ten). As an author, I was also able to help them their writing assignments, how to get unstuck, and also able to identify 1) This is good writing 2) That's not what your teacher wants 3) Know the difference for the future. Even now, one of them says he thinks about how cool it was chatting with me in my study after the school day was over.
Those kind of positive interactions are the things that keep us going as parents, and in the end, I think they are what we remember most.
So very true. And he came up for a week while my spouse was in the hospital to help in any way he could and we got to talking about doing a wine country tour together, possibly here in northern Michigan.