I love plain, uncomplicated, straightforward advice. True confession: I don’t like to ask for advice. That is why I am often guided by phrases, adages, proverbs, quotes, sayings that resonate.
Reading this now (after reading about Amy) I think I am in between the lines. Yet much of what you said mirrors the conversation I had yesterday with two friends as we talked growing older, making choices, seeking answers. Just do the next thing. And "when we are at capacity" we need to share that. Thanks for this one.
I wrote this before I shared about Amy because I have been living this for the past six months. As we age, or when we are in difficult places, I think this being able to have the freedom to just do the next thing is empowering. I’m getting better at sharing the honest response of, “I’m at capacity.” You are welcome. I’m glad it resonated because sometimes we just need to feel that connection with others.
I just shared this with two of my friends whom, after our long and deep conversation at lunch, I felt needed it as much as anyone. And with another, a one-year-out widow who is finding the second year doesn't end the grief. (Nor did she think it would but probably isn't best at the capacity thing!
Thank you for sharing. I do appreciate knowing others might benefit from my thoughts. Thankfully, I have not lost a spouse to death, but I have found that the second year of grief can be harder than the first. That’s when the shock and denial wear off. We think we can plow ahead, only find our capacity limits have changed. I always pushed through all the things in life. After Julie’s death, I found I no longer could live like that. I think that’s a good thing to learn. (Sadly, I keep learning it!)
Sally, I was right there with you. Beautiful writing with great wisdom. ( Don’t you wish wisdom came less painfully). Keep sharing your insights. It is encouraging.
Thank you, Sarah. Yes, I do wish that wisdom came less painfully! I appreciate your encouragement. Sending you much love as you are also during those times when life is difficult.
Sally, you are so brave and have garnered so much hard-won wisdom. Having never experienced the kind of tragic loss you have, and I’m not sure I would have understood this post until recently when I had two different short-term illnesses, both of which felt like the sickest I’ve been in my 74 years. One was a gastrointestinal thing that kept me glued to the toilet for several days. The other was a recent bout with the high fever and awful headache of Lyme Disease. In both cases, for a short period of time, all I could do was the next thing — who had the bandwidth or energy to figure out if it was the right thing or not? Drink some Gatorade, made sure the towel is close by, turn on the TV and watch a Hallmark movie. This post will touch many lives of readers who know exactly what you’re talking about and it will make them feel less alone.
Elizabeth, first of all, I’m so sorry that you have been so ill recently. It breaks my heart to think of you suffering with Lyme Disease. I’ve heard about how debilitating it can be and pray you are spared long term symptoms that come with it. When one is as ill as you have been, it is difficult to do anything other than just try to survive. (No hyperbole in that - we do think that we may not survive at such times.) It is in those times we are grateful for the simplest of comforts such as a towel, a movie that keeps our minds occupied so we don’t think about our symptoms.
Thank you for your encouragement and support. I always have been so grateful for the way you are able to send just the right “heartspoken”note.
Also, thank you for the lovely card you sent after we lost our beloved Boston. Jim was really touched by your words, and by the perfect quote that you shared.
Sally, thank you for sharing this wisdom. The inability to see or plan for what is ahead is so scary and to be able to just do the next thing - well that is achievable.
I hope that readers don’t think that I am against planning, making goals, and having objectives for projects and etc. After all, I am a retired teacher, so I had to do lesson planning for an entire year before the year began. What I am talking about here is during times of difficulty, when life plans get up ended, or when we get a medical diagnosis that is hard, or when we lose a loved one, we find that it is hard to move forward. That is when I think it is advisable and achievable to just focus on doing the next thing.
I think that was clear. And I think your advice is needed because we tend to think we can just keep going as before and get frustrated and down on ourselves when we can’t. Acceptance for where we are is what you are recommending and I think that is very wise.
Thank you for your feedback! Acceptance for where we are is so key. Even now, as you know, at times my capacity is limited. It’s frustrating, but I find I recover and am able to move forward more quickly if I listen to my body and rest.
Reading this now (after reading about Amy) I think I am in between the lines. Yet much of what you said mirrors the conversation I had yesterday with two friends as we talked growing older, making choices, seeking answers. Just do the next thing. And "when we are at capacity" we need to share that. Thanks for this one.
I wrote this before I shared about Amy because I have been living this for the past six months. As we age, or when we are in difficult places, I think this being able to have the freedom to just do the next thing is empowering. I’m getting better at sharing the honest response of, “I’m at capacity.” You are welcome. I’m glad it resonated because sometimes we just need to feel that connection with others.
I just shared this with two of my friends whom, after our long and deep conversation at lunch, I felt needed it as much as anyone. And with another, a one-year-out widow who is finding the second year doesn't end the grief. (Nor did she think it would but probably isn't best at the capacity thing!
Thank you for sharing. I do appreciate knowing others might benefit from my thoughts. Thankfully, I have not lost a spouse to death, but I have found that the second year of grief can be harder than the first. That’s when the shock and denial wear off. We think we can plow ahead, only find our capacity limits have changed. I always pushed through all the things in life. After Julie’s death, I found I no longer could live like that. I think that’s a good thing to learn. (Sadly, I keep learning it!)
Sally, I was right there with you. Beautiful writing with great wisdom. ( Don’t you wish wisdom came less painfully). Keep sharing your insights. It is encouraging.
Thank you, Sarah. Yes, I do wish that wisdom came less painfully! I appreciate your encouragement. Sending you much love as you are also during those times when life is difficult.
Sally, you are so brave and have garnered so much hard-won wisdom. Having never experienced the kind of tragic loss you have, and I’m not sure I would have understood this post until recently when I had two different short-term illnesses, both of which felt like the sickest I’ve been in my 74 years. One was a gastrointestinal thing that kept me glued to the toilet for several days. The other was a recent bout with the high fever and awful headache of Lyme Disease. In both cases, for a short period of time, all I could do was the next thing — who had the bandwidth or energy to figure out if it was the right thing or not? Drink some Gatorade, made sure the towel is close by, turn on the TV and watch a Hallmark movie. This post will touch many lives of readers who know exactly what you’re talking about and it will make them feel less alone.
Elizabeth, first of all, I’m so sorry that you have been so ill recently. It breaks my heart to think of you suffering with Lyme Disease. I’ve heard about how debilitating it can be and pray you are spared long term symptoms that come with it. When one is as ill as you have been, it is difficult to do anything other than just try to survive. (No hyperbole in that - we do think that we may not survive at such times.) It is in those times we are grateful for the simplest of comforts such as a towel, a movie that keeps our minds occupied so we don’t think about our symptoms.
Thank you for your encouragement and support. I always have been so grateful for the way you are able to send just the right “heartspoken”note.
Also, thank you for the lovely card you sent after we lost our beloved Boston. Jim was really touched by your words, and by the perfect quote that you shared.
Blessings to you...
Sally, thank you for sharing this wisdom. The inability to see or plan for what is ahead is so scary and to be able to just do the next thing - well that is achievable.
I hope that readers don’t think that I am against planning, making goals, and having objectives for projects and etc. After all, I am a retired teacher, so I had to do lesson planning for an entire year before the year began. What I am talking about here is during times of difficulty, when life plans get up ended, or when we get a medical diagnosis that is hard, or when we lose a loved one, we find that it is hard to move forward. That is when I think it is advisable and achievable to just focus on doing the next thing.
I think that was clear. And I think your advice is needed because we tend to think we can just keep going as before and get frustrated and down on ourselves when we can’t. Acceptance for where we are is what you are recommending and I think that is very wise.
Thank you for your feedback! Acceptance for where we are is so key. Even now, as you know, at times my capacity is limited. It’s frustrating, but I find I recover and am able to move forward more quickly if I listen to my body and rest.